[Podfic] Nothing against pineapples, but... by boopboop, thatsmysecret

“I was three when I asked my mom how you fuck someone with a pineapple cactus,” Bucky says mildly. “They’ve been terrified of who I was going to be bonded with ever since I was born.”

Steve’s gaze flicks to the mark on Bucky’s wrist. “I’m never living it down, am I?”

Bucky laughs. Kisses him, and laughs. “Probably not. Though I don’t think a Brooklyn firefighter was ever a consideration when they were making lists of people who might threaten to shove spiked plantlife into various orifices.”

“They had lists?” Steve whimpers. Oh god, his future in-laws hate him already and have done for thirty years and that’s officially a record because who manages to do that?!